Saturday, 6 February 2016


You know, I think I keep a fairly upbeat, positive nature most of the time (although my husband may tell you different)...but is a sh*t day.

It's a glorious Sunday here today.  25 degrees, sunny, no wind...just beautiful.
I should be happy right?  I mean...I'm blessed!  I have a supportive family, awesome friends, I love my job, I have a great house...

But here's my day:
My daughter is at a birthday party but I couldn't even go drop her off as it's in a park and they were set up about ....oh...50 metres from where we parked and today, Today - I just can't make that distance....

So my hubby drops her off and we go to pick up our Click and Collect groceries and shop or our fruit and veg (as you do when you're kid free).  We thought we'd shout ourselves a coffee/tea before we went in but today I could barely walk from the car park to the coffee shop.  However, we made it (thankfully my hubby is strong and holds my hand) and sat down to a coffee/tea/bite to eat.  Relaxing?  No.  Nature (as she invariably does) decided to call and I had to walk (again ONLY) about 50 metres in a shopping mall (so nice, smooth tiles) to the bathrooms and I barely made just barely...I was sweating!  SOOOOOOOO frustrating.

By the time I got back to hubby, my legs were shaking uncontrollably and I asked to go back to the car to wait while he did the grocery run around.  I have never done this before. 

I am so frustrated.  SO frustrated.  I can't even type coherently....

I KNOW HSCT stopped my MS.  I KNOW I may never see improvement.  I KNOW all this but I want improvement SOOOOO bad.  I KNOW this attitude at the moment doesn't help (and it is rare) but I'm just SOOOO p*ssed.  WHY didn't I do HSCT sooner?  WHY am I having to live like this?  The ol' "WHY ME" is rearing its ugly head.  I'd be SUCH an awesome, active, busy, fun mum and wife without these 'MS leftovers'.  Ugh.

Sorry for the vent.  I pray daily for improvement now.  I KNOW I'm selfish - all I wanted from HSCT was to stop MS and it's done that.  I know it I just want more.

Ugh.  I hate when I'm like this.  I'm teary, frustrated, miserable.  My poor Hubby and Daughter.
And on such a beautiful day.  We should be canoeing, SUPing, riding our bikes....instead, I'm sitting in front of the computer in tears; Piper (thankfully) is blissfully unaware at her friend's party; and poor Andy has no idea what to do so has retreated to Bunnings (no doubt bored with our marriage)....

Ugh.  I am NOT this person.  In the words of the GREAT Taylor Swift....I need to 'Shake it Off'....

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