I have started to add to letters and cards to my wall. My darling friend Kylie suggested that the Gold Coast Dragons (my team and basically family on the GC) write me notes that I can read while here. Another girlfriend has done the same so I came to Russia with cards from work friends; notes from the dragons and cards/notes from another darling, darling group of friends.
Each one is just beautiful. I am brought to tears every time I open them and I am savouring each one! I'm opening only a few a day and it's the highlight of my evening.
As I was re-reading them today I thought...."Who do these people think I am - I'm not anyone special - I've done nothing special" and yet it seems they all really like me!! :)
I can remember one (or perhaps 2) friends saying that when they first met me (many years ago) I was totally unapproachable / untouchable or something along those lines! I can't tell you how upset this made/makes me. I thought I was a welcoming type person...I have always wanted to be included and inclusive. Apparently not. As an adult I've always been insecure (especially when I moved to the Gold Coast) and pretty much always felt inferior to others....but obviously the walls I put up made me look conceited...arrogant...snobby or ....let's face it ...a bit of a bitch!
BUT I'M NOT TRUST ME!!
Anyway - I broke down those girls (or they broke down my walls) and now they're some of my nearest and dearest friends...
It got me thinking....had I not become vulnerable...would I have the love and support I have now?
I was gutted when I got MS. Really gutted. Like, what the hell. I was active and busy and I felt that that was what defined me...what made me count as a friend. I was the girl who met you at the gym...walked on the beach...was up for a day's shopping. What could I possibly offer without being that person? I felt I had nothing of value to give.
I don't know if it says more about me or more about the friends I surround myself with, but pretty much everyone has let me stay in the gang, even though I'm pretty useless and still struggle with "what can I offer"...
Maybe getting this disease has has taught me to be a better person...I think I'm approachable to everyone; I adore and appreciate everything about my friends, my family, my faith, my work; I take pride in the things I can do; I think I'm pretty down to earth; I'm good for a chat...I certainly don't think you'd call me conceited, arrogant, snobby or a bitch anymore.
So for that I am thankful. I am thankful that my family is amazing and so supportive. I am thankful for the beautiful, divine, amazing, inspiring friends I have. I am thankful that I work in an incredible workplace with phenomenal people. I am thankful that having MS has reignited my faith and that I have always 'rested' in the knowledge that 'God has this'. I am floored by the support of my Community. I appreciate the little things (while still missing the sporty stuff...I'm only human).
I am especially thankful that it appears that I am LOVED...even with this ridiculous excuse for a body.
When Dr F halts this disease....I hope I can continue to be that person that many of you think I am.